Sheep C: Sheep Lessons from a Toad

Since I started writing on a couple of blogs, I’ve been much more interested in my camera. So many blogs have gorgeous photography, of which I am envious. I don’t aspire to that, but I do think that pictures liven stories up, so I’ve started actually packing my camera most of the time. One never knows when one might want to snap a picture to spread across the worldwide web!

I got inspired this past weekend to work on my rock/flower garden in the front of the house and had my trusty camera hanging from my belt loop. This is not my strong suit, gardening of any type. I love to see flowers; I just don’t like working at them. But, I am finding that gardening is a good way to think and to hear God. And it can make my place look better (that is if I ever actually finish a project).

Part of my task was to move some large, flat stones that we had used to outline some little individual areas. I was watching closely, worrying that I might run across a snake under one of them. My neighbor has reported several already this year. I encountered a few grub worms, many earthworms (some very large!) and a couple of scurrying bugs, but nothing to make me shriek.

I set aside one rock to discover a toad. How do they do that—fit under something that should squash them flat? In fact, I know for a fact that it did squash him flat; I know enough physics to figure that one out. But the amazing thing is that he doesn’t stay squashed.

The toad gave a momentary flinch as I moved the rock and then just sat still as stone. I sat back to look at him and, as I did my change in posture must have made my dog Scout (ever the helper) believe I would now give her the attention she so richly deserved. She hopped over the pile of stones and plopped right down next to the toad. I had a flash of concern as she did, thinking the toad might hop away and Scout might pounce on him. Still, he did not move. He just sat there. Can you spot him in the picture below? He's just to your right of Scout's foot; I've put a little circle around him.

"Instinct," I thought. "He knows he's almost hidden by staying still. If he moves, he'll have to deal with that dog or with me, so he's just staying put...counting on not being noticed"

Then something said, "He's being still, listening to God."

I had a flash of Scripture:

Be still and know that I am God... Psalm 46:10

"Nah!" said my brain, "He's not listening to God; he's being still because of instinct--you were right the first time."

But the more I thought about it, I have decided that a toad's instinct and listening to God may just be the same thing.

I thought about how my Sheep's brain analyzes everything, how that brain and its logic can cause me to plot and plan myself right into trouble. Rush, rush, rush; my brain tries to figure it out, take charge and run myself right into trouble, just because I did not stop and talk to God about something and listen to Him.

There is a way that seems right to a man, but
its end is the way of death. Proverbs 14:12

And then there's fear. Being in fear almost never causes me to "be still," like the toad. It can cause me to stampede headlong, never stopping to listen to God and understand that He is in control, taking care of things whether I know it or not.

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14

So the toad taught me what? 1) be still, and maybe your enemy will not notice....2) be still and listen to and trust that voice of God, just like the toad did. You can't hear Him well when you're running...be still.

P.S. In the interests of full disclosure, let me say that when I excitedly explained the toad's lesson to my son, his reply was, "Mom, he's cold-blooded. He couldn't move. You'd just pulled a cool rock off of him, and he did not have enough umpf to move, that's all." So, it may not have been instinct or the voice of God at all...maybe that toad just was too darned cold to move....but I like my version better... And then maybe, just maybe, that regardless of the reason the toad was still, I heard the message God was speaking to me. So, there!

New ears on an old sheep

“Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts. Listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, the won’ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me…Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.”
                                                                                                                                                                -Shel Silverstein



This new path I’m walking, or maybe not so new as just newly recognized, calls for a new way of living. Living by listening. Not just hearing, as that is a rather passive thing. Listening requires more than ears, it requires my whole being.

I am turning inward, seeking attunement with the still small voice of my guide, my shepherd. I can’t see the path ahead of me-blindness does that to one. I’ve surrendered the idea of control of what comes next and am residing in that hoof-biting place of releasing control and then attempting to take it back. I am after all a sheep!

I am learning, ever so slowly, that I can trust completely in my shepherd. He’s already determined the safe path, the fresh grass, the pure water- and then he’s led me there. I don’t wander alone, for he is always with me.
Sheep M 1/29/09

(The picture is supposed to show the sheep resting-not dead. Although sometimes I can’t tell the difference!)

Leaving the maze

 

Have you ever felt like you're caught in a maze? Roaming endlessly looking for a way out? Do you find your happiness in escapist behaviors? Be they as harmless as simply using the TV to tune out or the more self destructive patterns of too much food or alcohol? 

Such weighty questions! Winter seems to do that to me, turn me introspective. Maybe it's the cooler weather or decreased sunlight, or the fact that in winter I have more time to read. One of my favorite past-times! Whatever it is, the first few months of every year usually finds me questioning life in general and my own specifically.  

Two events this past weekend have caused me to focus more clearly on the questions swirling within. One, a brief conversation I had with Sheep S. He's reading a new book (new to him) and he was sharing some of the lessons from its pages. I know we'll be having many more discussions. Some of the things mentioned in that conversation echo the questions I have right now. The second event, was saying goodbye to a family that has meant a lot to me. A job transfer has this family packing up and moving a state away. The flock is loosing some of its members and we, I am grieved at the loss.

How did all this focus me? Well, as I spoke with my friends, I realized that many of the books and articles I've been reading lately have had a similar theme. It may sound a bit new age guru, but "My best life Now".  As many questions as that has raised, my readings have given few definable answers. They have provided 'writings on the wall', arrows pointing in general directions, but nothing I could craft into a list of things to do to make it all better. 

Saved yet again by my loving shepherd! It's not about lists, but listening. Listening to my heart as I am blindly led beside quiet waters into fields meant for me. I can't make this work, I'm not in control. I can't tell you or anyone else how to do it, as each field is a personal space. A place 

'just right' for each of us. It's not about the externals or end results, but about that quiet inner space of self acceptance and knowing that all is right in our world. 

How will I know this place? Can't answer that. As I risk leaving the false sense of security the maze offers,  leaving behind my Do list, I am discovering my heart. What an undiscovered county that is! The way is fraught with risk, disappointments, hurts, and glimpses of glory. 

On my wall, near the mirror I use to 'put on my face', hangs a card.  It is a beautifully drawn image of a traveler at a cross roads. The signpost reads: My Life and No Longer an Option.

Like me, the traveler's feet are beginning down the path labeled, My Life.

-Sheep M 1/6/09