Sunday, July 19, 2009

Sheep C: Faith Temper Tantrum

I’ve suffered more than a few “slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune” lately—again. (And thank you, Shakespeare, for such an apt turn of phrase). I know I’m whining, but life just does not seem to let up with the slams recently.

I try to console myself by comparing my lot in life with others who, admittedly, have it worse than me. I think the hardest thing may be that I am just not used to being trashed by life, having led a charmed one for decades until it all caved two years ago. (Whew! Even I recognize the heights of whining here). Really, all the comparison game has done for me recently is to cause me to actually look more closely at others’ pain, add it on to mine, and just wail to God, “Why, on earth, did you set things up this way?” I mean, honestly, would you allow all this meanness in the world if you were in charge? I'm just sayin'...
So, this causes a little crisis of faith with me. I start by thinking about how hard my little life seems to me (which is “very” right now) and then thinking about how hard someone in, oh, say, Rwanda, must think theirs is. It is enough to make me question everything. If God is love, then what is all this about, anyway?
I’m really honest with God, about this. I don’t even try to put these feelings in that room in my spirit where I don’t let Him see—He knows about this, so I’m not talking behind His back. I may as well tell you about it, too.

God actually appears to be quite fine with my stomping around, questioning Him and all. He just continues do his “higher ways” thing, just like He’s, well, GOD or something.
But I must admit that troubles cause me to ponder things I never allowed myself to ponder.

I move from just thinking God isn’t paying attention to thinking that He has made some mistake about all things turning to good for us. And then I move right along to the ultimate: Is there even really anyone “up there?” Are we just making all this up as we go along? It sure does not make sense that God would create something only to have it in such a fine mess—so, maybe “he” didn’t—maybe this whole universe is just creaking along on its own and we’re all duped into some cheery afterlife fantasy by our need to cope or, worse yet, by some conspiracy (who, though?) using religion as control of the masses—you know, Sheep Herding…keeping us acting better because of some carrot of heaven balanced by the stick of hell.
But, then, I snap back, really secure in my knowing God, so I don’t stay an atheist very long. And that leads me back full circle, pondering God but this time with a tinge of “uh-oh.” Is He upset at my faith wanderings/wonderings? Nope, I don’t think so, and I thank Him that he gave us some stories in His book just to allay these fears:


  • There's Elijah, who mightily out-maneuvered the priests of Baal and single-handedly burned up that soaking wet wood (well God actaully did) then slaying all the Baal priests as they stood in astonishment. He was so mighty in his faith in God. But what happened when Jezebel showed a little chagrin? Elijah, who had been so mighty in the Lord, ran and hid! From one woman! I love it that God not only did not smite him, He came and just said, “What are you doing here?!” and fed him and provided water. He knew how weak Elijah was. (Look at 1 Kings 18 and 19 for this story).



  • John the Baptist was such a strong figure: “Make way for the Lord!!” Standing up to everyone, including Herod (taking him on for shenanigans with his brother’s wife). But, then John went to jail. And what did he do? He sent one of his guys to Jesus to ask if he could have made a mistake (and I paraphrase rather loosely here): “I’m down here in jail because of you…please tell me I haven’t made the biggest mistake of my life, because this jail is not so good, and my future doesn’t look so good, and I need to really know…” Again, Jesus patiently instructed the runner to return and tell John, and, again I paraphrase loosely, “It’s okay, John, just think about all these miracles and calm down…” (To see the real words of Jesus, read Matthew 11).



  • And, then, there was that whole Peter fiasco in the 22nd chapter of Luke. You know, the Rock on which the church was to built? The one who denied even known the Lord at the first stumble?


So, I have good company in my wonderings, and I’m really not afraid of offending God, given the examples He chose to leave in His Word for me.

But it feels good to be open about it with you, and the writing about it causes me to analyze and examine. That little exercise of remembering how frail the mighty men of God in the Bible were has reminded me of His presence in my life and helped my attitude already.
Thanks! Sheep C

7 comments:

Daisy said...

Hello! I just wanted to stop by and thank you for your visit to my blog.

I love your sheep doodle drawings to illustrate your posts and enjoyed reading the message of this post too. It was very well written. I think we all have struggles with our faith at times. I know I do quite often. I am often left wondering why about many things that happen in our world too, but like you, have to put my trust in God that things happen according to his plan even if I do not understand it. I hope you have a good week ahead. :)

Queenmothermamaw said...

No I don't think God minds our questioning. It is when we are in most need that He truly speaks to us. The guestion is truly, are we listening? Blessings to you
QMM

KathyB. said...

I so needed this! The questions posed here have been on my mind continuously for 2 years now. And in your 2nd paragraph you so aptly stated my self therapy, comparing my lot and that of others.

I always come back to the question " Why, on earth, did you set things up this way?" Then I remember He is in control and I might not like what I ( family members ) are going through and I need to trust....don't feel like it, but I will trust!" Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding"

Eggs In My Pocket / Yesteryear Embroideries said...

Hi, thank you for stopping by my blog! My heart goes out to you on this. We all have been through times when we question God and wonder, why? how much longer? what is the reasoning? You are in a valley right now and it is a long hard climb to get to the next high peak......just remember...God is with you in the climb and in the valley. All I can say to have proof of this is that I have been where you have been, where I have lost all hope and cried out in anger to my Lord....He would just say wait.....wait I did, along with crying and asking and sometimes doubting. But God has turned what seemed impossible to turn around in my eyes.....He turned it to where I knew it only would have worked that way. I think the hardest thing about our faith.....is having faith. Just know that you are in my prayers. Hang in there. I love your sheep drawings. Come back to visit me! blessings,Kathleen

audrey y said...

Thanks for your kind remarks, your humor and your philosophy. Seems as though we are on the same wave length.

I know what you mean about the dark cloud that seems to be hovering a little lower than it used to. All kinds of scary things happening within our big family.

I have a feeling our prayer life should be speeding up

See you later

audrey y

Brenda Kay Ledford said...

I just wanted to stop by your post. Your sheep doodle drawings to illustrate your postings are great. We go through difficult times, but God always brings us through. I hope things gets better for you.

YayaOrchid said...

I have enjoyed reading your blog. I have added it to my blog list, and made a post recommending it. I can hardly wait for your next post!