A new season is upon me! One that has been slowly making it's appearance and yet has now suddenly burst forth. Like spring after a harsh winter, the signs appear long before the warmth.
If only the signs were easier to see and interpret in my emotional landscape as they are in the physical.
Motherhood is one of the scariest things I've ever attempted! It has also been filled with the most blessings. I tell myself that I've done a good job seeing each of my children as individuals, not as extensions of myself or chances for me to 'get it right' this time around. Each has their own ideas of what works and what doesn't. It's taken me years to figure out how to facilitate these differences. It's been my privilege to tutor and make safe their paths up to a point.
Having said that, I am discovering that there resides in me the idea that these children I've nurtured will behave in ways that are fairly predictable and follow along a path similar to my own. That having laid a foundation, they will build upon it.
Not so! Or so it appears right now- My oldest is striking out on her own! The signs have been there for nearly two years. She's celebrated her 18th birthday, graduated from high school, entered the 'real' world of work, registered to vote; all those grown up activities that seem so fresh and appealing when we are first inducted into adulthood.
And she's done a good job. I'm proud of the young lady she's become/becoming.
Enter the divergent path. She's not chosen to do anything illegal or even morally questionable. She has simply chosen to pursue an idea/way of life that is foreign to me. Foreign to the way I raised her. I have no way of knowing this path, of clearing it of dangers, of preparing her to walk this unknown landscape.
" For we walk by faith, not by sight" 2 cor 5:7
Exactly what a blind sheep should be doing. Only I forget! Especially in areas I still think I have control over-like my children! HA! The season of letting go is upon me. I've known for years it would come. I've seen the signs. Now my heart is being opened, stretched as I am learning to step back and trust that I've prepared this child for life. Life apart from me.
Just as I am blindly following and trusting my good shepherd, this child of mine (no longer a child) must take up her own journey of faith and blindness. She must learn to hear and walk accordingly.
May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields and,
Until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
Sheep M 6/25/09
2 comments:
Dear friend how may of us moms have had these same thoughts. We raised 6 children one has spent time in jail, 2 are bi-polar, one is an aethiest, 2 have not encountered any challenges yet. They are doing ok now but my Lord, what a beating our hearts and brains have taken. Its not over til its over and we know our God was right there with them all the way, allowing them to slip, get up and go on. Blessings
QMM
Just today I had someone say to me, "My child has made his/her own bed and must lie in it, but doggone it! His/her mistakes are so hard on ME!" It is hard to let go. I think you've done an excellent job, M, both of nurturing and turning loose. (3:48 a.m., eh??) - C
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